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The Original All Roller Talk Discussion Board Archive >
Joke for the day!
Joke for the day!
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Electric-man
101 posts
Jan 01, 2007
8:05 AM
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There was two men at an outdoor concert. They decided they needed to find an outhouse and relieve themselves. When they found one, the first one entered. After awhile,the second guy said," whats taking so long" the first man said,"come here and look,there is a quarter down there on all that poop"! As they stood there and looked down at the quarter, the second man said "what are you gonna do"? The first guy pulled out a 5 dollar bill and threw down in there beside the quarter. The second guy said "what did you do that for? The first guy said " because I'm not sticking my hand in all that mess for just a quarter"!
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jammerlofts
59 posts
Jan 01, 2007
8:46 AM
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val
with all of the comedians out of work and your trying to be one lol better get out there and fly them birds there waiting on you its so cold and windy here today im not flying any of them im playing it safe today keepem coming in val lol
jc
jammerlofts
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nicksiders
1126 posts
Jan 01, 2007
9:22 AM
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LMAO
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Snicker Rollers
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fhtfire
755 posts
Jan 01, 2007
9:56 AM
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ok I got one...
This guy walks into a market and asks for a 1/2 head of lettuce. The store clerk said that they usually do not sell 1/2 heads but he would ask. So he walked up to the manager and asked if he could sell a half of a head of lettuce...the manager says... who wants a half a head of lettuce...and the clerk said.... some stupid son of a bitch...then he turns around and notices the customer behind him and the he says....and this other nice man would like the other half.
LOL LOL
Paul Fullerton
Last Edited by on Jan 01, 2007 9:56 AM
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sac_spinners
44 posts
Jan 01, 2007
10:01 AM
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Great one Electric Man and Paul LOL!!
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C.J.
845 posts
Jan 01, 2007
11:08 AM
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Here's One For You,
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you beteen the legs and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in beteen the legs and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in beteen the legs .
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
C.J.
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jammerlofts
60 posts
Jan 01, 2007
11:26 AM
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One day monica lewinsky walks into a dry cleaners with a dress, she tells the man.
"can i get this washed" the man couldn't hear that good says, "come again" monica says "no mustard".
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
61 posts
Jan 01, 2007
11:28 AM
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heres another
On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper:
" Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person"
The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs.
She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?"
The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
62 posts
Jan 01, 2007
11:35 AM
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A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl." When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar."
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
63 posts
Jan 01, 2007
11:36 AM
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do ya want more hu hu do ya lol
Why did Michael Jackson go to Kmart?
Because he heard little boys pants were half off.
jc jammerlofts
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Velo99
811 posts
Jan 01, 2007
12:41 PM
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Three legged dog walk into the bar and says
"I`m looking for the man that shot my Paw!"
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If they don`t kit,they don`t score.
Color don`t roll and peds don`t fly.
It`s a comp thing,understand?
V99
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W@yne
147 posts
Jan 01, 2007
12:57 PM
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Got some Saddam Hussain shirts for sale here guys
They are a bit tight round the neck but they dont half hang well.
Last Edited by on Jan 01, 2007 1:02 PM
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jammerlofts
65 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:02 PM
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has anyone seen the full video of the hanging not the short version full shows them open the trap and him dangling there its on the web
jc
jammerlofts
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W@yne
148 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:03 PM
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I have the link but i dont think i am allowed to post it on here kids etc. Jammer send me an email ill send you link.
wiganrollers@yahoo.co.uk
Last Edited by on Jan 01, 2007 1:14 PM
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sundance
57 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:25 PM
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hey, did ya hear about the guy who figured out the secrets of women and why they do the things they do????
well, me either, he died laughing before he could tell anyone!!!!! haaaa
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Missouri-Flyer
80 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:39 PM
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So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
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Eat, sleep, Cowboys, Pigeons... The facts of life
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JMUrbon
191 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:42 PM
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This 65 year old man is golfing one day and he hits a shot out in the trees. Hes looking around for his ball when he hears a voice say " Hey you if you kiss me I will turn into a sexual goddess" The old man tuns to see a large frog looking at him and the frog repeats this again to him.
The old man picks the frog up and puts him in his coat pocket. Throughout the day the frog keeps repeating to the old man that if he kisses him he will turn into a sexual godess. The old man just looks in his pocket at the frog and grins and continues playing his golf game. At the end of the day the frog says to the old man " Hey are you deaf? I said if you kiss me I will turn into a sexual godess". The old man looks at the frog and grins and then says I heard you but to tell you the truth, at my age I would rather have a talking frog.
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J.M.Urbon Lofts
A Proven Family of Spinners
http://www.freewebs.com/jmurbonlofts/
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Missouri-Flyer
82 posts
Jan 01, 2007
1:46 PM
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A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant.
He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone.
Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decided it must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all.
The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant. The vet told him they would be lying down rolling in the mud, but when he looked out the window not even one was lying down.
So, he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again.
To his dismay they were all standing the next morning. So, again he loads the pigs in his truck drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time.
By the next morning the farmer is beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing.
She says "hmmm - that's weird, they are all in the truck and one of them is blowing the horn".
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Eat, sleep, Cowboys, Pigeons... The facts of life
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trevsta65
50 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:01 PM
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a woman goes to the doctors because she is not happy with the size of her breast they were rather small. the doc takes a look at them and what i prescribe dear is toilet paper the woman is astounded at the suggestion and says to the doc toilet paper what the hell is that going to do?.he loks at her and says well it worked on your ass.
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luis
83 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:16 PM
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Two cowboys sitting in a saloon trying to out-do each other..when one tells the other "bet ya i can make that there donkey laugh his ass off".The other cowboy says o.k you're on.The man takes the donkey in to the bathroom and the next thing that's heard is the donkey laughing haliriously.The cowboy walks back to the man and collects his debt and tells him "i bet ya i can also make him cry".
The other cowboy extremely puzzled agreed to the 2nd bet.Once again the donkey was taken to the bathroom quaters and the next thing all heard was the donkey crying inconsolably.Once back at the bar,the looser asked the other man"how on earth did you accomplish that".To wish the man replied."Well 1st time i told him my d*** was bigger than his,and the 2nd time i showed him"
Last Edited by on Jan 02, 2007 1:30 AM
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jammerlofts
67 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:40 PM
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After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
68 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:41 PM
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Mrs. Parks, a 6th grade science teacher, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs.. Parks said, "Very good, Billy, that's correct!"
Then she turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
First ... you have a dirty mind.
Second ... you didn't read your homework.
And third ... one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed.
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
69 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:43 PM
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After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.> "No, no, not at all,!!!" she says, still nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who in the hell is he, "That's me before the surgery."
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
70 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:49 PM
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Two good ole, small town boys were sitting around talking one afternoon over a couple of cold beers.
After a while the first guy says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your house Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and sqeezed his eyes shut, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
72 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:54 PM
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A man walking along a Californian beach was deep in prayer, when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,...... "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Please Lord, could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want?" The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic, just think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take plus it will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time......Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife...... I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says, "nothing's wrong!" and how I can make her truly happy?" There was a long silence, and then the Lord replied, "Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?"
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
73 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:56 PM
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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
jc
jammerlofts
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jammerlofts
74 posts
Jan 01, 2007
3:58 PM
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A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver.
"I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen, and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home, but after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison!"
jc
jammerlofts
had enough or are you thirsty for more lol
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Oldfart
15 posts
Jan 01, 2007
4:01 PM
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Three young men from the Tri-State area Ohio,Kentucky and West Virginia were working on a high-rise in New York City.
They became acustomed to taking lunch togather each day two hundred feet above street level on the bare steel. Opening his lunch pail the young man from Kentucky swore an oath opon finding yet again another bologna sandwhich. One more bologna sandwhich and I'm jumping off this beam!He shouted! With the same contents in his pail the boy from West Virgina pledged he also would jump. Well if you guys are jumping so am I the Ohio lad chimed in. Next day,same beam. Opening his lunch the Kentucky boy smiled at the ham sandwhich he found. West Virgina declared Roast Beef! The Ohio boy sighed then jumped. Taking a bite of ham the Kentucky lad watched as the boy plunge to his doom. "Hard to feel sorry for him." he said to West Virgina. "He packed his own Lunch"!!!
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